works of wanderlust

Tag: running

  • head over feets, six

    Unfortunately, my inclination to stay active is frustrated routinely by the effects of mental clutter that has me fomo’ing a blur of professional and personal obligations. That’s to say, I’d go out for a run were I not feeling like I was waiting for the phone to ring or an email to arrive or nudging myself to go out and make some art, darnitall. The net result is that if I don’t schedule a workout into my plan well in advance, the old gears grind to a halt and somehow I linger in the wings failing to do much of anything productive at all. 

    A subjective standstill.

    Somehow, despite these odds, I have been fitness’ing by…

    I showed up for Wednesday run club on the heels of a day-long storm that was just clearing as I set out to drive over to the store. Only two of us showed up, likely because of the rain, and we logged a humid and mostly-cool six klicks through the suburban asphalts. Puddles abounded. 

    I forgot to wear my watch when I went to the pool before lunch on Thursday. This may seem like a trivial thing, but it did incur me the duty of keeping mental track of my laps, and counting accurately while submerged is a trick like patting one’s head whilst rubbing one’s belly. It is an act of coordination. Nevertheless, accurate or not, I came up with a satisfactory number and the simultaneous conclusion that swimming at ten in the morning is not the best time for lane busyness. 

    I was undecided on a Thursday run so I declined to initiate a plan, but others intervened and we ended up meeting down south. Our planned six klick tour of the neighbourhood missed a critical turn so we followed the trail to the next available exit and wound and wend a route we have misguided ourselves to previously. It added an additional two klicks to the distance, which doesn’t sound like much but two unplanned klicks along a deceptively long suburban road takes literally forever to finish.

    I have been to the local Park Run a half dozen times give or take over the last couple years. My beef with the fun run is that it “is not a race” but there is a course, start, finish, timer and people sure act like they are racing. Oh, sure—the race is only ever with yourself, but the vibe makes me amp up my game for better or worse, and yet there I was Saturday at the start line again.

    As the maintenance shut down for the nearby pool looms just over a week away, I am making sure to continue to try to build a habit before that habit shifts to another facility further away. Tuesday by seven thirty in the morning I was swimming laps and pushing myself to go a bit further. All bets remain on the early swims as the best time, at least in the summer. We’ll see how it shapes up when school is back in and all the students are stuck in class.

  • head over feets, one

    I used to write a whole blog about running and fitness. And then? Well. It was one of the only things that was lost that I truly cared about in the hack that took down my little private server—back a couple years ago. Ten years of rambling journals about races and training and side-fitness projects. It was not something that anyone but I read, but I did go back and peruse it on occasion.

    I miss that, and it’s hard to just start over from scratch with something that big.

    But…

    Starting in July I’ve decided to get back into the fitness groove. I haven’t fallen completely off the truck, but I haven’t ben focused. And that is in itself a multidimesional effort of motivation, accountability and grit. To that end, I am going to do what I always do when I start getting serious about my personal fitness, and write about it. But no stand-alone website for now: the format that is really working for me these days is the quippy list of short-form reflections, tucked away in the files of this blog.

    That said, so far this month I have:

    Logged a Canada Day run with the crew.  We used to more frequently do this thing where on any stat holiday (usually Mondays) we would meet at the local breakfast joint, trot out a five klick run, and then go for a long breakfast. July first is not only a stat holiday but kind of a second mid-year new years resolution day, so a good day to start off on the right foot, even if it ended with a side of bacon.

    A few days later I logged a solo seven klick run in the rain. For a dozen reasons no one else showed for runday sunday, and those that did ran inside (for injuries reasons) or on their own outside (for pace reasons) so I went off by myself into the drizzly neighbourhood and got a short lap done.. and done.  It was nothing particularly special, but it would have been just as easy to go for coffee and skip the run when no one is there to breath down your neck about it. Grit.

    Yesterday I cracked and bought a pass to the rec centre. Back when I worked for the municipal government, the half-price annual pass was a deal and then some. Now, still paying a slightly discounted rate (‘cause Karin gets a deal through work after all) was a slightly tougher pill to swallow. But excuses be damned and effective last evening I have a year of access to the pool and the gym.  I celebrated with a sixteen klick ride on the stationary bike.

    This morning I was feeling ambitious, new pass in hand, but cautious. I haven’t swam laps in over two years. Seriously, I looked it up. March 2023 was my last time in a pool. I used to be damn near religious about it and even did a triathlon a few years ago.  So I suited up at quarter after seven with the ranks of all the senior swimmers and did a ten lap re-introduction to a sport I once moderately rocked. First time back in two years I didn’t want to push it. Ten laps was enough to feel it, but not enough to burn me out for another two years. I’ll be back soon enough for a little longer next time.

    In the meantime, I went right back to one of my old fitness hacks: the trusty spreadsheet. Strava and those other apps are all great for social cred and light accountability in the fitness jam, but nothing beats a good old fashioned fitness ledger to see the numbers laid out on a grid.  That, and I’m still in a bit of a value mindset having just dropped a lot of money on an annual pass and I want to see if it is worth it—though I suppose “worth it” is a subjective thing and getting out and moving is a tough thing to quantify. For the next year I’ll play fitness accountant in my spreadsheet, tho, and see how it all adds up.

    Now? Off to buy some batteries for the scale. Eep!

  • hobbi-fication

    I resist the label of dilettante.

    That said, it may just be the most accurate representation of my entry-level approach to many of my artistic pursuits. It is, after all, the goal of most anyone to rise above what is largely considered to be a negative branding of one’s effort towards any creative interest. 

    Is labelling something a hobby bad?

    In what is almost certainly a shallow and simplified reply to a deeply complex question, I submit that it is obviously fair for us to grade the effort that one puts into any form of expression, craft, or skilled profession by the level of achievement of an individual in said activity. Yeah. Sure. That is unequivocally fair. We should admire anyone who has created and cultivated their talent to a level largely out of reach from others. We should elevate them in our esteem. We should recoginize achievement where due. And this is even more so the case in a world where such achievement is eclipsed by the corporate patronage that enables it. When nepo-babies like Elon Musk get the credit for great achievement in science and engineering simply because he footed the bill, we very much should look past the douchebag claiming all the credit to those standing in the background who did the actual work, the ones who cultivated their talent and knowledge, sold their skills to a company and built amazing things. So, in brief, I very much do think we should respect game, but also work much harder to respect the game that did the actual work. Our society is really fucked up at this.

    Those folks are at the top of their game.

    I bring this up because yet again I find myself dabbling shallow into one of my many hobbies: music. I wrote about this the other day, and yet in every shape and form you should consider me nothing more than a dabbler in music. A hobbyist. A—gulp—dilettante. I am not a professional. I am not a recording artist. I am not destined to find my way into your playlist any time soon. This is not false modesty. It is the honest confession of a guy who knows just enough to fake his way through. I can play, but that’s about it.

    Is that a bad thing?

    No. I don’t think so. But not everyone would agree. And what it brings me to is the subject of gatekeeping.

    Let’s steer this away from art and music into another example I have found in the wilds of my hobby-filled life: running.

    Running is rife with gatekeeping. It’s a sport, after all. It is, like many things, a skill-based effort to which one’s achievement is directly correlated to many things but deeply, deeply correlated to the quantifiable number of hours and kilometers one runs in training. (There is nuance here, there always is, but bear with me.) Runners who train more generally win more races, while the rest of us earn a participation medal and say things like “it was only a race against myself and my own fitness.”

    And you know what? Lots of, if not most, runners are awesome, welcoming people. I run in a group and our philosophy is that literally anyone is welcome to join in a run and so long as you’re making any effort whatsoever then if we’re faster than you we’ll loop back to keep you with the group. We try very hard not to gatekeep the sport. It’s not perfect but I think it mostly works.

    But I have found so much of the opposite. There are people who train harder and then literally snub those who are slower, run lesser distances, or don’t pass some random threshold of achievement. Which in itself is the tricky point and leading into the point I’m trying to extract from this example. In running there is almost always someone who is faster. There is literally only one fastest guy and one fastest gal—in the whold damn world—and it’s measured and recorded on the regular.  Unless you are that person, you are not the fastest and that “some random threshold” that you have set down as a bar over which there are “runners” on one side and “posers” on the other is just exactly that: random and arbitrary.  Such has been true of every example of gatekeeping I have encountered in running in my eighteen years participating in the sport. Some gatekeeping dork who runs such and such speed or so and so distance looks down on everyone slower than them, and looks up to everyone faster than them, and says there, that’s the line. They’re serious, but these people who don’t achieve as they do are apparently lesser and don’t get the label that goes along with the sport. They’re all hobbyist joggers and I’m the serious runner. 

    Again, this is not common, but these special folks definitely exist and definitely show up at run club or meet ups or race corals or wherever. And they are everywhere. I once had a quasi-coworker who was this very person and who literally looked down their nose at me, rolled their eyes and gave an impolite “hmmph” in race coral because they knew my expected finish was slower than them.

    There is a gate to what is what and they are standing at it keeping it free of the riffraff who don’t make the cut. They are slamming it in the faces of the so-called dilettants and hobbyists behind them. If you are gatekeeping or a gatekeeper type of person, just know that there is probably a special gate for folks like you in the afterlife that you might not be able to walk through either. Rant done.

    How does this relate to music and art and all that other stuff?

    My point is just that there are gatekeepers in everything, for every interest, for any craft, profession, sport, talent, skill, whatever. There will always be those that stand with their hands up and out to tell everyone behind them in acquiring those skills or training those abilities, that to be lesser than the gatekeeper makes one a lesser: overall it makes one merely a hobbyist or a dilettant.

    And on the other side, there will be many more who lend a hand, reach backwards to teach or share knowledge, to build community and extend interest in the field. Game trains the next wave of game, as it were.

    But Brad, you say, one could argue that the label is a little more subtle than raw acheivement. Maybe it is more than gatekeeping on quantifiable ability, right? Maybe there is a vibe associated with hobbyism or being called out as a dilettant. An unseriousness. The dabbler is the guy who is knocking on the walls of the clubhouse trying to get in, but is more interested in the label than the skill. They want to call themselves a runner, but only so they can post race pics on social media. They want to be called an artist but don’t even try to cultivate a style or signature. They desire to fill a chair in a band so they can invite people to watch, but don’t pick up their instrument between concerts to put in the rigor of practice required to hone the talent. What do we make of these people? Are the gatekeepers among us correct in locking the door to folks like that?

    As a certified hobbyist I can tell you that people who are truly terrible and trying to infiltrate a field of art or expertise for giggles and false cred are probably rare exceptions, possibily crafty sociopaths, and there are likely more signs of their unseriousness than simply weak ass skills in a field. 

    What I can also tell you is that more often the apparent unseriousness of a hobbyist is likely due to an extremely high barrier to entry in this modern achievement-based online world. Someone just learning art is never going to be as talented as 95% of the posts in their feed. Someone working full time and trying to train for a marathon on the weekends is never going to beat the twenty-two year old with a track scholarship who is training his ass off and earning the world records.  Someone who picked up an instrument at forty and can only get lessons from instructors used to teaching eight year olds while juggling family life is almost definitely never going to perform in the city’s premier symphony.

    We need to give these folks a break and simply welcome them to the club as people with a shared interest, no?

    As noted, I have been dabbling in one of my hobbies again: music. I have steered my summer into trying to build up my personal knowledge of musical theory and composition, including improvisation and sound design. I haven’t put down my violin, of course, but I have poked the bear of electronic synths and all the complex terminology and methodology around them.  My first blush at this popular but enigmatic field, tho, has been one of the steepest barriers to entry I have encountered in a while. There are countless jargon-laden explanations of the technical features of these tools but when it comes to using them to create music the most common piece of advice I have found is “just play around until you find your sound”—which, of course, is like me telling a new runner just to lace up and jog around until they get faster, find a race and win it. 

    I  have been doing art for most of my life, but when I got interested in watercolours a few years ago I quickly found colour theory tutorials, advice on layering paints, books on technique with endless examples and exercises, and of course classes at the local community centre. 

    When I started running, I joined a run club and learned about gear and training schedules and went for speed training sessions and hill training sessions and got into cross training with friends. 

    “Just play around” was on the table, but was never the whole buffet.  

    I wouldn’t necessarily think of this lack of resources as gatekeeping, but there is a kind of exclusivity to entry that resembles gatekeeping when a hobby, any hobby, doesn’t reach back a hand to pull the dilettants in the direction of something more. 

    I resist the label dilittant, not because it wrong or I am above it, but because it implies an unwelcomeness to some secret club. Far be it from me to judge an entire community based on my week of experience looking for the front door, banging on the walls and asking how do I get inside, how do I learn, how to I get better guys?!  I aspire to rise above and hone skills but I definitely doubt I will get there by dabbling and just “playing around” as it were. 

    For now, it will not disuade me from the effort—and maybe for some that is the whole point, to create a barrier to keep the field small and pure—but as a guy who has done his best to elevate others in fields where I do excel, where I am less likely to be kept from passing the closed gate, I have been the one reaching back to train and pull people along so I naively hope and assume that every field, every art, every sport, every endeavor of creativity or skill has people like that—one just needs to find them—and too, resist the label to keep at it.

    Hobbification is not a bug, after all, it’s a feature of a strong system and the key to bringing new people and new talent on board. And I honestly think that any field worthy of study or interest has reached maturity when it recognizes this and says sure, just “play around” but we’re here when you need to take the next step. 

  • seeking adventure

    Imagine you are flying.

    Down a trail.

    Over the crest of a low hill.

    Around a hairpin curve in the path blinded by a dense forest of trees.

    I think a lot of people hear the term ‘running’ and can’t fathom that it means anything more than grueling hours spent on a treadmill. I think most people wallow in the sport as little more than a fitness activity, a workout, or a span of time spent sweating for the sake of the sweat and the calories. 

    I have been a runner, properly so, for nearly eighteen years.

    I rarely run for the sweat.

    I do, on occasion, yes.

    But by far what I run for is the adventure.

    I am flying.

    Flying down a trail, over a hill, and around a hairpin curve brushing past the foliage reaching out across the narrow path.

    It did not start out this way.

    For the first couple of years, yeah years, I was stuck in a beginners rut. We do beginner runners such a disservice giving them rules to build into and goals to which they then aspire. How many beginner runners start to either “get in shape” or “participate in some race” thinking that fitness and competition are the best parts of the sport? How many don’t get in shape or don’t “win” the race and stumble back to the couch?

    During the pandemic years I started hosting what I called Adventure Runs. I would post a meeting location. I would roughly plan a route (usually never having run at that location myself). Set a time, arrive, and just run.

    We were not there for fitness or time or training or any of that. It was perfect timing for such things because most races had been cancelled or limited, people were bored and lonely, and the world was damn near empty of pedestrians.

    We flew down new trails, clambered over low hills, and traced unexplored hairpin curves in dense forests that had grown there for decades but which rarely saw more than a few humans on any given day.

    Adventure.

    Adventure is ill-defined. I can set you specific goals for fitness. I can tell you what numbers makes for a good pace. I can adjudicate your finish time in a race. I can see the appeal of quantitative measures against which we can guage our so-called enjoyment of this activity. But adventure? Adventure is raw quality. Adventure is about the feel of it, how your heart sings in the moment and how you end some span of time spent away from everything else, flying, climbing, swerving through the woods feeling unlike anything else.

    I’ve been thinking about adventure again. I have been trying to bottle that effort into a coherent plan for the upcoming summer months. I have been getting myself ready to fly again.

  • run club restart

    I tend to have a lot of sentimental vibes for run club.

    In its current form it is a pale shadow of when I first showed up at my local run store for a clinic, oh, seventeen years ago now, but it exists enough that I attended the latest session of it last night and logged a nearly eight klick out-and-back with a few select members of the the crew.

    Everything was fresh after a late afternoon rain. There was a bit of a rainbow tumbling out of the clouds to the east. There were seven of us plus the leader, and she snapped a photo of the group before we set off into the trail system that runs between the houses and the creek wilds.

    Of course I don’t have that photo so you’ll have to deal with mine.

    I joined run club for the first time as a participant in the 5k Learn to Run clinic offered by the store two moves back. The clinic was a speaker and a short run on a weeknight—and then they encouraged everyone to show up for the drop-in run club two more days of the week for the sake of the weekly mileage. I dutiful followed instructions. And for over a decade it was my regular social outing to meet at the store and run.

    Eventually I became a group leader and then a clinic instructor and I have since flip-flopped around and tried to reconcile my status in the group now nearly and neatly without a formal run club mandate, me just the guy who plans a bunch of what we do but who has simultaneous been trying to nurture others to plan when I can’t. No store. No website. Just a chat group and determination to keep it all alive.

    During the pandemic everything shut down and the store moved for the second time, but our offshoot run club stayed put and in the five years since those first should-we-be-meeting social-distancing runs from the parking lot the group has stabilized into a local running coffee club.

    The running store moved about five kilometres down the road and we thought that was that, but after a couple years of nothing they reappeared and cautiously started inviting runners back to the now once-per-week meetup.

    And despite my semi-regular attendance, I go when I can and have no other training obligations than a straight run, well… the Wednesday night run club is not quite the same. It is, after all, little more than a rendezvous of fair weather dabblers up for an occasional run. Most of them come with a friend with whom they exclusively converse and pace. If they are back a week later it is a surprise.

    Last night? We ran into the freshly washed trails. I had not even bothered with a jacket, risking a bit of chill for the sake of shedding the extra weight of carrying it if it turned out to be too hot. And it was warm enough, everyone else tearing down to their t shirts in the warmish evening air.

    Our leader, now on familiar terms as I’ve been making an appearance for three seasons of the renewed club, was quizzing me on our short parking lot walk back to the store afterwards. I’m not sure what you guys want out of this, she said to me. But I insisted that a place to meet and plan was good for me. Gone are the days of fifty people crushed into the store listening to a mini sales pitch before we strike out in group. Gone are the clinics and the annoying shoe talk. Gone are the bring a friend nights and slipping people in for free as pace leaders. People will stretch if they need. People will sort themselves out, I think. This is fine, I told her. 

    Or maybe I’m under-thinking it all.

    This used to be a real thing, you know. This used to be the centre of my week, the outing around which I planned my life. Everything was about making sure I got to run club and made my distances. Run club was my thirties. Some of my best friends are run clubbers. 

    Should it be more? Or is it just fine? I dunno.

    Sentimentality is a crazy drug, almost as addictive as running, huh? The run club vibe remains, but the memory of it will always be grander than the reality I’m sure.