It’s December and for me that means it is “blog every day month” an effort for which I have long since concocted a list of blog-able reflective topics called my December-ish posts each of which should do little more than offer a leaping off point for some rambling writing to fill up my daily blogging quota.

Today that topic is…

What do you wish you’d done less of this past year?

I have a terrible case of something I’m going to call FOGWI… or fear of giving the wrong impression. It is awkward to admit it, but I really find that I (often subconsciously) make stupid choices about even the most mundane choices because I over-think the impression it could have (but almost definitely does not have) on others. I do this in particular in reference to what I consider to be my professional persona. 

I know, I know… we probably all do this to an extent but let me use an example to make it more clear.

Imagine you are waiting for a phone call about a job interview. You applied for something you think you’d like to get, you know the deadlines of the application and the approximate timelines for their HR department to get back to you. So for a span of about a week you live in this cloud of knowing that (a) the phone might ring at any moment during work hours about said job and (b) you want to answer it when it rings and make a good impression… or at least not the wrong impression.

YOU might turn the ringer on your phone and (rationally so) go about your life.

I probably would turn the ringer on and (irrationally so) overthink everything I do for the next week. Should I go out for a walk because I don’t want to ever be out of good cell service range? I definitely shouldn’t run or go to the pool. Should I drive to the store because I would feel weird having that conversation on the speakerphone in my vehicle. Or in the grocery store aisle. Or sitting in the mall food court! Hell, should I even leave the house, get distracted by a video game, have a shower, or mow the lawn because what if I get THAT call just then and in doing so I give the wrong impression, buff the opportunity and ruin my life forever, GAH!

I know, I know… it’s one hundred percent irrational. But in moments of vulnerability any of us is at risk of making stupid choices to reduce the perceptual imbalance of the circumstances. And rationally, I know it is all silly. I should just get on with my life, do what I need to do, and deal with the hypothetical phone call in a more existential, take it as it comes sort of way.

And to make all this worse, the multiple times I have got calls from various HR departments or potential contracting customers can you guess what they did? Yeah, they emailed me or texted me a “can we chat at such and such a time” message and we set up an appointment.

I did too much of that irrational overthinking and FOGWI this past year. And honestly, when I caught myself doing it I worked to correct it. But I definitely wish I did it less. Maybe I would have gone for more walks, logged more klicks on the running trails, or focussed my energies on other more productive and creative tasks. Or maybe I would have just played more video games. Either way, any of that beats pacing around the kitchen thinking the phone might ring, huh?