apple

It was a frustrating phone day.

Backstory: like many of you who own iPhones like me, the latest software update coupled with an aging device has seen your enjoyment with your magic glass rock diminish inversely with the passage of time. My battery has required charging sometimes as frequently as five times per day. The camera often takes ten or fifteen seconds just to load up, meaning you miss that moment while the screen freezes and everyone gets bored and wanders away. The clicks are sluggish on a good day. Usability has not held steady as a word I’ve been associating with Apple products.

So I made an appointment at the local Apple store. I was gonna shell out for a battery replacement.

And the phone, which couldn’t be bothered to hold a charge long enough to buy a coffee last week… well… it had a good day.

The Kid, who had tagged along to the mall, supposed that maybe the phone knew it was going to the doctor and was behaving itself. After driving to the mall, going for lunch, and then wandering around all morning my battery was at 99%.

We tried to drain it.

We sent some Instagrams. We played Pokemon Go in the mall. I connected to WiFi and tried to do a cloud sync.

Forty-five minutes later the battery is still above 90% and when I get into to see the Apple so-called-genius he runs his little diagnostic tool on my phone and comes to the conclusion that my three-year-old epic-fail of a battery is just fine.

“It’s having a good day.” I insist.

“The test results are good.”

“Can I just replace the battery anyhow?”

“We only replace on a negative diagnostic. Why don’t you try doing a system restore. Sometimes that helps. We can do it here, or I’ll send you some instructions for home.”

“Fine.”

I go home and restore the phone… which, of course, fails… four times… and results in a factory-reset device just in time for the new year. No apps. No settings. No music. No text message history.

On the bright side, it will be a little less painful to switch to a Samsung or Google phone in a couple months.