Reflection on stupid and mindless thoughts: A requiem on forced purchasing.
The deal of the century: they make it sound that way whenever I went through the checkout. Groceries haunted my nightmares. It sounds silly, but who can resist the onslaught of a neurotic discount.
The story in it’s entirety: As someone who shops regularly at Safeway, my local grocery store, I am one of the honored millions who was given a little plastic red card when I joined the food fraternity, referred to in lower circles merely as The Safeway Club. As a card-carrying food-fellow, I am entitled to such privy as one might expect: discounts available to only society’s elite, and – apparently – the inescapable ability to earn bonus rewards.
I earned one of these hallowed rewards about two months ago, my brethren, the checkout-guy, proudly informing me that the next time I bought something called a “Ready Pac Salad” I would receive a mind-boggling 50 cent discount – a whole half dollar to use to my heart’s desire.
Needless to say I was filled with such overwhelming joy that I fell to my knees that instant and wept openly right there at the cash register.
As befits someone who is member to such a distinguished club, I frequent the local chapter most regularly, oft times assuming to purchase various food products as much as three times weekly. It is a great honor, no doubt, and one many may take it for granted were I not to explain the wonder of such a thing.
But alas, as the weeks wore on, I never found myself in such a position that I would require this mystical salad, an unquestionable bargain at only $3.45 when my bonus-points did their wonderful work. And never being in a position to never acquire such foodly splendor, I went home with the simple necessities and only that which I could afford.
At this point I must extend my extreme thanks and gratitude to the countless clerks who – undertaking their jobs with such skill – reminded me sometimes as often as twice per visit of my waiting reward. How could I ever forget with such mindful attention to a single Safeway Club member such as myself. And I only hope they did not neglet their other members in the process. How many thanks are enough to express my deepest gratitude for the many unfailing reminders of that generous 50 cent gift awaiting my retrieval.
It is beyond words, the feelings I must express here.
But, alas, I must report a happy ending to my tale. Last week, upon finding the courage deep within my heart, I redemed that reward, and purchased a salad: and most delicious it was too….
My only regret is that I will no more hear those sweet words echoing from the lips of the Safeway clerks, reminding me of my magnificent gift.