June moves into the home stretch! And onward we push through those thirty posts nearing the end of what I’ve been writing every year this month. For the fifth year in a row I’m back to a month of daily blogging: each day a new post on a new topic, but on the same blog-per-day topic as last year, creating another set of Those 30 Posts in June. Today, that post just happens to be about something that I want:
To Experience… Fatherhood Fortitude
It’s father’s day.
And I’m sitting quietly on the couch after finally putting Claire to bed. She’s barely left my side today (save for a couple hours where I went running this morning) having woke me up for breakfast at quarter past six (on a weekend) and clinging to my side until I pried myself away insisting I needed to get my gear on and go.
We did some yardwork. We painted the fence (yes, she even had her own bucket and a brush!) We did a little construction project. We went to the hardware store. We went to Tim Horton’s. We watched some Youtube. We cleaned the dog’s run. We went out for a dinner date at Boston Pizza. We walked the dog. We watched some of the FIFA soccer game. We read some stories. I tucked her in.
She didn’t let me out of her sight.
I think she understood what a day with her dad meant almost as much as I did.
Still, it’s odd. For all the little nuggets of advice one finds online and on television, from friends and family, it remains to have but a bit of a weighty heart at the end of the day. It was a good day. A damn near perfect father-daughter day. I don’t think I could have asked for a better one.
But it’s not the weightiness of the now that gets me down, it’s that I know, sitting here at the end of it all, it’s one less father’s day gone. It won’t be long until she grows up. She’s flitting away from me even now. And as perfect a day as one can have, it’s tough not to sit here at the end of it contemplating the brevity of it all, the temporary nature of this permanent gig. Sometimes I wish I was just a little bit stronger to deal with THAT part of it.