Once more it is June. Again. And again I embark upon that epic effort of daily blogging, take three, wherein I call upon myself for a kind of rambling focus, picking from a list of daily topics, and with neither planning nor advance writing, strive to pepper this blog with the free-thought, free-writing wonder that is another one of Those 30 Posts in June. Today, that post just happens to be:
June 2nd // Something You Have Lost
I only mention it because this time last year –in the predictable fashion that these annual writing exercises are just supposed to reveal– I was busy writing about my successful approach to getting in all sorts of epic shape, losing weight, and generally doing so by having a ton of hacked up willpower.
This year? Yeah, I’m technically in the best shape of my life, what with training to run a marathon and all, and in fact just a few hours before writing this polished off yet another twenty-klick run, this time in the rain. But… well… frankly… and to be honest… the willpower has dwindled. At least, y’know, in that epic sort of way that saw me burn off twenty-percent of my body weight and set a personal record half marathon time using that same willpower last year.
And, yeah, I know what your thinking. Jeeze, man. You’re training for a marathon. You’re doing it. You’re registered for that crazy seventy-eight klick run in January. What gives? How can you say you’re not kicking it?
And, yeah, here’s what I’m thinking: I’m feeling it lacking right now. I’m feeling it that I need to work just a little harder if I’m going to get anywhere with any of those things. I’ve lost something of my willpower. I’ve lost something of the magic. Whatever combination of carrot, stick, motivation, and begrudged hints of latent self-loathing that pushed me to that success last year has hit a dry spell, it doesn’t seem to be working for me anymore… at least not right now. It’s lost.
And, to be perfectly honest, I could probably use a kick in the pants. I just don’t know what looks like is right now.