Despite the mountains of rational evidence to the contrary there are still a lot of folks out there holding to the claim that come December 21, 2012 the ire of the universe will refocus upon the planet Earth and cast us all into an end-of-the-world scenario of some kind. If those folks are right then I’ve got less than one week left to get some hard-earned advice out to my readers before this blog goes offline… It’s time for another Week of Lists!
So, perhaps I’m a little bit biased. But there’s a reason that not only is there a running shirt that reads “Training for the Zombie Apocalypse” but also that many runners chuckle knowingly when they see it. Whether the end of the world comes in the form of roving hoards of undead, an alien invasion or simply a catastrophic pressing of the self-destruct button (the one on society’s “Washing Care & Instructions” label) runners definitely have the leg up when it comes to surviving — and helping those around them survive, too — when doom ultimately descends upon us.
If you haven’t already started running, next week’s impending deadline may be a little late to pick it up as a hobby. That said, readers should know it’s not too late to latch yourself onto a nearby fitness fiend and secure your place in Society Two-point-oh. Why?
1 :: Runners Know All the Best Off-Road Trails
When The End finally does rear it’s ugly head, you can bet your last Twinkie that every random person in your neighbourhood is going to follow their root animal instincts and drive their car into the inevitable traffic jams that will clog every major road in and out of your city. No one is going anywhere, and there is no where to go. But if movies have taught us anything, it’s that going somewhere — and getting there fast — always makes for a more interesting story than sitting around. Navigating those cluttered roads is going to be tough… which is why you’ll want at least one runner in your survival party. Having spent many years of training seeking out quiet, traffic-free back trails to run through, your average runner knows how to get to all the important places and still barely set a foot on a road way.
2 :: Supply Runs Can Be Real Sprints
Of course, you’re not going to last long without food, water, medicine (or ammunition, apparently) and as you hunker down for your long-haul of waiting out whatever threat has destroyed humanity, your best bet still lays in your ability to restock and resupply your hide-out. Chances are — be the threat autonomous robots or just other desperate people — getting those supplies is going to mean being first and being fast. A few months or years into any doom-and-gloom scenario is going to have everyone in peak shape, for sure, but it’s those first crucial few weeks when you’re running pal is going to be your life line to getting survival gear back to base.
3 :: Feet Are The Most Reliable Forms of Transport
By now you’ve probably realized that as the End of the World descends upon us what is going to be in shortest supply is the same things we take for granted in the modern world: gas and electricity being the big, often invisible sources of energy that get us from A to B without much thought from your average person. But when that Mad Max scenario emerges and they’re all duking it out in the Walmart parking lot for the last canister of gasoline, you can rest easy and watch from the sidelines knowing your running pal has you covered… so long as that Walmart doesn’t run out of size ten and half sneakers for a few more years. Feet, even after all the juice has dried up, are still going be getting us from A to B: reliably and efficiently.
4 :: Access to (Nuclear) Winter Running Gear
What else can I say… but that your average runner from any Northern clime is going to have invaluable knowledge about how to stay both warm and mobile. While everyone else is being hunted by bands of roving slavers, caught because they couldn’t move fast enough in that bulky parka and oversized snow boots, your crew will be speeding through the cover of nuclear winterized forests in your sleek fabrics, properly layered for warmth and optimal chafe-reduction.
5 :: Your Offspring Will Need To Be Fast
Last, but not least… think of the children. Your children. Any re-forming of society in the future is going to need the strong, healthy genes that your running pal is going to keep in circulation in the human gene pool. Sure, it’s not on top of your agenda in the days, weeks or months following the end of the world, but eventually you’re going to settle into a routine and seriously start thinking about repopulating the planet. Do society a favour. Your runner is a proven survivor, capable of moving fast and staying alive in the world of tomorrow: don’t you want that for your kids too?
This post is part of my Seven Days of Apocalypse Week of Lists countdown to (almost certainly not) the end of the world. Share and enjoy.