Odd jumbles of random events in one’s life often result in the painful culmination of something called self-realization.

We all do it, you know. We are bred into this culture of self-focused emotions where rather than express things to each other we bundle them up and “teach people lessons” by subtle and secret means known only to ourselves. I’ve done it numerous times. I’m doing it right now. I’ll do it again next week. It’s a tough habit to break.

Scenario, you ask? Well, imagine there was a person who has pissed you off royally. Incompetence. Inane behavior. Maybe even lying, cheating, and stealing to cover up their own lack of ability. Who can say. This is all speculation, after all. Imagine you worked with this person every day. Imagine you spent eight long hours, five days a week loathing their utter lack of respect for you and your work. In your own lackluster perceptions, they are flawed in moral character. But, for better or worse, they are wrapped into the fabric of your life. And you need to deal with it somehow.

The passive part? Bundle up those emotions. Complain about that person to your spouse. Writhe in anger and let it build up beyond manageable proportions. Lose sleep. Stress and build up steam. But smile curtly when you see them face to face. Act outwardly professional while secretly counting the days until they leave. But never — never say anything. Just go on like nothing is wrong.

The aggressive part? Revenge and punishment, of course. Covertly, I should add. Covert revenge and punishment. Shut your door when you hear them approaching. Turn up your music when they come into your office. Never stray from the outwardly professional path, but never — never — go out of your way to aid, assist, boost, or enhance their efforts. Ignore and smile. Make a few sarcastic comments under your breath. Ignore it and hope everything just clears up on it’s own.

That’ll show them. [Grumble. Grumble.]

Maybe. Unless they are absolutely oblivious, of course. Unless they just don’t see a problem. Unless — ah, ah what’s that? — they don’t even realize that you are sitting there quietly as a bundle of bitter resentment. Angry. Annoyed. Begrudged by your own lack of control, respect, and patience for their behavior.

Hmmmm… Kinda makes you think, no?

The alternative? In the world of rational, thinking adults, ideally one does something called “conflict management” wherein one taps into that emotion bundled up inside, the rage and plotting, and releases it slowly and gently. Metaphorically speaking, it’s more akin to letting the air out of a balloon through the blow-hole rather than, say, popping it with a pin in someone’s face. Literally speaking, it’s called assertive communication. That comes in many forms, but usually it involves frank discussion and looking for compatible solutions. To the naive perspective they both have the same result (air released from balloon). But to the more experienced perspective the passive/aggressive person loses out big-time in both the short and long term.

It’s a character flaw. I admit it.

But what do I know? Apparently I’m new at this.

Sometime today a ghost is re-appearing here. I can’t say, even now having just written a treatise on the foolishness of passive/aggressive behavior, that I’ll be able to manage the situation any better than before. Maybe I’ll just shut my door. Maybe I’ll drink some more coffee and hope the caffeine does the trick. Or maybe I’ll invite her to have a seat and we’ll talk.