I spent my lunch pretending I am a lawyer.

Well, sort of.

A bunch of things about websites, blogs, privacy, and all that fun stuff got me thinking: You know? I’m putting myself out there everyday, sticking my neck out just a little further, fishing just a little deeper in those digital waters for an interested audience — and unfortunately the nature of the internet means it’s easier to cast it out than reel it back in. Who knows who could turn up these very words in a few minutes, days, weeks, years, decades — and, well, sadly enough try to hold them against me for their content or even just their existence.

The internet isn’t the wild-west anymore. It used to be something like that: metaphorically. But now? It’s a cut-throat virtual land of commerce and trade, with crazy lawyers and other folks with sway patrolling it’s streets. A guy needs a little protection.

So here’s the thing: I don’t know if it’s legally binding. I don’t care if it’s legally binding. But effective immediately, every single byte of original content on this webpage is hereby proclaimed private and confidential. Every single byte of original content on this webpage is mine and I get to decide (a) who reads it, (b) who stores it, and (c) what I want to charge for that use.

But don’t worry: for most of you it’s still free and always will be. Most of you — that’s like 99.999% of you — only need to be honest, interesting people, and I’ll never charge you a cent. Family? No problem. Friends? Go right on in. Fellow bloggers? Well, watch your step, but we all know you’re cool, right? So that’s it. Not one penny. Just enjoy.

But here’s the catch: if anyone, ever, uses this site or the information on it to hurt me, my family, or my company, or tries to sue me or fire me based on any sort of information or data contained here… bang! That’s when the other shoe drops — there’s the line: and it-ain’t-free-no-more. In fact, it could get very pricy for you, evil-dude. Why these words alone could cost you upwards of $5000 just to read them — one time.

Huh?

The wild-west is being bound and gagged: Certain folks have been getting fired because their bosses have read their blogs. Other folks have been getting sued for comments that visitor.people have written on their sites. Malicious others have hunted down personal information and background data on bloggers to use it against them. So here’s the deal. New policy: No such thing as free anymore, at least if you have evil thoughts or otherwise wouldn’t have my permission to use this stuff.

Stated. Fact. Expect an invoice if you don’t make the cool-list. By the time you get it we’ll probably be in court for some other reason, anyhow. Maybe a settlement is in order? Just make sure to read the EULA I wrote over lunch. I hate those things, but the world (wide web) is a scary place these days.